Midnight's Daydream
by 2shy the Shippy
Summary: Timing has always been a crucial element with these two, they just always messed it up. Morgan has finally found someone to take his mind off Penelope while she has decided to end it with Kevin, so she can tell Morgan her true feelings.
1. When You Assume

Disclaimer: Don't own them.

The day started out as a normal day; nothing was out of place or off. There weren't any funny feelings or weird vibes to indicate that something big was about to announce itself. It was like the calm before the storm, you never saw it coming. The prelude's beauty fooled you into believing that nothing was going to happen. JJ spoke of her adventures of being a mother, Emily talked about her lack or love life and uneventful dates, and Penelope discussed how things were progressing smoothly with Kevin. This was there thing to do when they had break and this was all they did, but it made them happy and it made them feel normal. The guys weren't really as happy as they were (even though Emily had to admit she had an uneventful love life--she still tried). Hotch gave up on having a personal life besides Jack, Rossi didn't much care for one anymore, Reid was still finding his way, and Morgan filled his emptiness with meaningless sex.

"How do I pick these guys? I mean this man really thought he was God's gift to women." Prentiss said unbelievingly. "He just would not stop about how "great" he was."

"I thought you were repulsed by guys like that?" JJ said as she smirked at Emily.

"I am. He wasn't like that until we got on the date. I just thought he was confident and successful not self-centered and egotistical." The ladies all shared a knowing look that said they've dated a guy like him at one point in time.

"I'm so glad I don't deal with anymore; Kevin is a great boyfriend." Garcia gushed before she sipped her coffee.

"Yeah, he is such a sweetheart." Emily added as she thought about how happy Penelope has become since dating Kevin.

"And he adores you." JJ contributed.

As they spoke, Emily's line of vision started to concentrate on someone. Usually they wouldn't have paid attention to Emily's divided attention since she did it to keep her observational skills in tip top condition, but she seemed to be enraptured by this person's presence. Her fellow co-workers turned to see who Emily was so intrigued by.

"Who is that?" Emily whispered as she looked at the woman who strutted into the bullpen as if she belonged there. Her attire was definitely not work attire. The woman wore tight black leather pants with four-inch matching boots, a white tight tank top that reached her belly button, and a leather black jacket that matched the pants as well and stopped at the belly button too. You can tell that she worked out regularly from the six pack that showed where there was open skin. And when you looked at her face, everything fell into place. She was absolutely magnificent. The woman had doll like features, but seemed to portray a don't-fuck-with-me kind of look. Her eyes were light-blue, almost gray and her hair was jet black, most likely dyed, but looked good on her. The hairstyle she wore was a short cut which was feathered. And when she turned around, you could see a pair of wings on her lower back. Altogether she looked flawless. A nonchalance radiated off of her. You could tell that she had emotion and cared, but she wouldn't let you know she did.

"I don't know, but I know she sure as hell doesn't work here." JJ said as she stared at the woman. The men couldn't keep their eyes off of her. It could be they weren't used to seeing women dressed like she was at work everyday.

Garcia kind of felt intimidated by her. It was women such as the one who just walked in who always made her feel as if she wasn't good enough; that she had to look like them in order to be pretty. They very skinny and incredibly pretty and could eat anything without gaining weight. They always made her feel like a loser for liking the things that she did and for not being interested in sports or at least pretending to be interested.

The woman walked over to them. "Excuse me, ladies, do you know where Derek is?"

'It figures', they all thought to themselves. Even her voice was sexy and seductive.

"Umm...I think he went..." JJ started but was soon interrupted by Morgan.

"Hey TT, I wasn't expecting you to be here so early." Morgan said as he approached the woman now known as TT before giving her a brief, but incredibly passionate kiss. She returned in like and you could tell them both of them enjoyed it very much.

"Yeah, well, I wanted to surprise you and to finally see where you worked." TT hooked her thumbs in the respective pockets while she glanced around somewhat. Morgan looked at her and grinned.

"All you had to do was ask." He crossed his arms and leaned back against a random desk.

"Where would the fun in that be?" She walked closer to him and invaded his personal space which he didn't seem to mind one bit.

They exchanged a few whispers before Morgan acknowledged his co-workers.

"JJ, Baby Girl, and Emily, this is my girlfriend Sam, and Sam, these are my friends JJ, Penelope aka Baby Girl, and Emily." He pointed to each woman as he said their names.

Emily was the first to get up and greet Sam. "Hi." A hand was extended in Sam's direction.

Derek could feel it coming; Emily's unwavering observational skills about to make itself known. Rarely did she let it slid when she noticed something unless she was unsure.

"Didn't Morgan call you TT?" Emily asked as she slid a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

"Yeah, short for Aphrodite. He said my beauty and sexual fierceness was similar to the goddess and has been calling me TT ever since then." Sam said as she smiled shyly. The agents in the room could see she wasn't all confidence and no weakness as the first suspected, but then again, this is Morgan they were talking about; he grew up with women.

Penelope felt a sting of jealously. Morgan had called her goddess, but never by a specific name. Never did he say she resembled Aphrodite or any other goddess for that matter. It was always some generic named that could be used on another woman, whereas TT could only be used on Sam. She knew what it meant which also meant they've been together long enough to establish cute little pet names. But, she is forgetting the major point here: Morgan has a girlfriend, not fling, but girlfriend as he introduced her a such. Not only that, but she came to his work place and he didn't mind. He offered to show her around and introduced her to his co-workers who he called friends. This was big and she was not overreacting because Derek had a phobia of commitment and he sure as hell didn't mind showing his feelings for her.

As much as the computer tech tried to push the irrational feelings away, she couldn't. Yes, she may have had a boyfriend, but she once loved Derek. She had given up any thought of being with him because she thought he was unable to stay in a steady relationship. She thought he would run away when things got serious because he was a play boy not the dedicated boyfriend type. Yet, here he was with this woman he was obviously committed to. Penelope shook her thoughts and tuned back into the conversations.

"...we met at a tattoo parlor. Derek was getting a couple of tattoos touched up and a new one and I happened to be his tattoo artist." Sam explained as she recalled the day that they met. "After I touched him up, he asked me to give him a tat of a ex-girlfriend's name and I told him it sounded too cliche and he should try something new, so he gave my permission to be creative and I put mine instead...I know, not that creative, but I had to get his attention somehow."

"So, how long how you two been together?" Penelope asked innocently.

"About eight months or so." Morgan said proudly as he tugged at Sam by her belt loop.

"Wow." Emily said in amazement. "Who would have thought? So, are the both of you preparing to meet each others family?"

It was a semi-loaded question depending on how one looked at it? The question may have looked innocent, but Emily was testing the waters to see how "committed" Morgan really was. Although Morgan may have not worn his heart on his sleeve like Penelope did, one could still tell he felt the same way about her at one point in time as she did him, if not more. They had a strong relationship that was both deep and caring. The two made each other laugh and had one another's back. Emily couldn't pinpoint what exactly happened along the way that it affected the relationship so much to a point where they no longer communicated. It was before Kevin--she knew it, just not when it happened. After Penelope met Kevin, they inseparable duo no longer divulged in their usual antics that was older than her membership to the BAU. The two slowly began to drift apart more and more until they became obsolete to the other. No one on the team would dare ask them about it because it was not as if their antics had affected the team in anyway besides keeping the entertained. The vibe definitely wasn't the same, but it wasn't their business to get involved into whatever it was going on between the two agents. This thing with Morgan was totally unexpected. Prentiss had to mentally chastise herself for not noticed the subtle, but apparent changes. If she had, she may have seen this coming--she may have seen her coming. Nothing noticeably had changed with Morgan; he was still flirtatious but innocently so, he still hung out for drinks, and was still the person she had known him to be, but there were signs: he wasn't responsive to admirers glances and was no longer the "predator" out to get a prey. Never would she had guessed that he found himself a girlfriend.

"Oh, we did that months ago." Sam waved off. "My family loves him. Actually, the second part of our vacation is being spent with our families. We found this huge family discount and we are inviting our parents and brothers and sisters to come down to spend time together--it was Derek's Idea."

"Yeah, we wanted a week to ourselves and, remember my friend with the connections, well he came through again and got up hooked up so we can send our families down the second week." Morgan said excitedly as Sam gave him a kiss for being brilliant.

That was when the ball dropped.

That wasn't just any relationship--it was an actual relationship. One where both the parties involved cared for one another, was meeting families and friends, and going on vacations together. The question went without asking: were they living together? And of course, the answer would be yes. They probably have been shortly before or after meeting the other's respective families.

JJ wasn't sure how to digest the situation as a whole. Derek and Sam and Penelope and Kevin separately was nice, but together...who knew what to think? In the deepest corner of her heart, JJ hoped that a tiny spark might be reignited between the two, that they could get things back to how they used to be, but unfortunately, as the days passed it seemed less and less likely. Penelope was happy with Kevin and Derek was happy with Sam. It was always that way and just like Emily had noticed the changes, JJ did as well, but in her case, she was there from the beginning. She kind of felt guilty for encouraging Penelope to go out with Kevin, she just wanted the computer tech to get out some. Never would have thought it would have worked out so wonderfully. Yes, JJ was ecstatic that the the tech had found a companion, but she should had encouraged her to ask Derek out instead. Penelope might have doubted herself, but it would have wold been worth a try.

After Derek showed Same around the office, he began to walk her out of the office when they bumped into the guys. Small talk had began and pleasantries were exchanged before bombshell raven made of way of exit by entering the elevator after kissing her boyfriend. They laughed at one another and gave cheeky grins--they were head of heels in love.

Before the men of the BAU team spoke the women of the team, they all shared a look that asked: how did we miss the signs? When did this happen?

It was just the first blow; you know, the one that stuns you before the real knockout punch.

It was the first blow that made Penelope realize that she hadn't gotten over Morgan like she thought. She had fooled herself into believing she was happy because he wasn't in a serious relationship. The blow gave her the courage to contemplate the validity of her feelings for Kevin and shoved her to confront Derek about their once close relationship. She would wait until his vacation was over and tell him about her recent decisions. He decisions to dump Kevin and stop living a lie, to realize her cowardice where their relationship was concerned, and how she still loved him and wanted to give them a chance. It saddened her to live behind fear and deny herself happiness, so she decided to take a chance and dive in.

"Where is Morgan at?" Reid asked as they sat around the conference table ready discuss their first case after their two week vacation.

"He won't be joining us, until the end of the month." Hotch said as he wore his usual omnipresent stoic expression. "Apparently congratulations is in order; he and Sam got married last week. Morgan says that he's sorry that you all were unable to be there, but it was sort of a spur of the moment type thing. Enough of that, let's get back at the case at hand."

Despite that being said, all the agents minds were on Morgan's nuptials and how Garcia might be mentally reacting to this recent information.


	2. No more running and hiding

A/N: Sorry about the grammatical errors in the last chapter.

The next few days after that, Penelope lived in the motions. She was too numb to think or do anything else. Any and everything she did was automatic because serious thinking was never required. The work that the BAU needed her to do was easy for the most part, so she didn't worry about making mistakes because she never did when it came to finding the perp. Life had become to feel surreal and dream-like. This whole mess started when Morgan told her that he loved her. Penelope had freaked out major because she didn't know what else to do. Why would he say he loved her? This wasn't the 'I love you as a dear friend' I love you, but 'I love you and want to make a go at a relationship'. Why did it take a near death experience to make him realize what she had already realized for herself years ago? As much as she wanted to be with him, Penelope felt that he wasn't ready for a committed relationship and pretended the words were never said. She buried herself in her new relationship with Kevin and lived a life full of oblivion because that was all she could do.

When the case was over, Penelope went home right away. She opened her door and stopped. Morgan was over her; he had found someone and got married--MARRIED! Penelope started to feel very emotionally dizzy, so she leaned on the door frame. She blinked rapidly to hold back her unshed tears since she heard the news.

"Don't think." She whispered to herself. "Stop thinking, Penelope, God dammit please stop thinking." But her emotions wouldn't stop building and she couldn't stop thinking and the unshed tears she tried to hold back came pouring out. Penelope started to feel rage which turned into hate. She didn't hate Derek, but how could he just find someone and not think about her? How could he be so happy? When she opened her eyes and looked to the side, she saw his picture. Hot anger soared through-out her being and she picked out the frame and threw it. She threw everything that reminded her of him, she screamed and yelled, and ripped the clothes out the closed that she used to wear for him. She stomped on the outfits she bought to impress him, and she crumpled to the floor and cried some more. Penelope cried harder than she ever cried in her life, and then she fell asleep in a fetal position clutching her clothes.

5 Months Later

Things only got worse from there. Morgan's newfound happiness was sickening or maybe that was because she was depressed. Then to top it all off, Sam was pregnant; she and Morgan conceived a child on their honeymoon. It was all Morgan ever talked about now and all that he only wanted to talk about. She tried to pretend that she was happy--she wanted to be happy for him, but it was hard. All she ever thought about was the chance she once had and how she missed it. Insecurity began to consume her as she thought she wasn't good enough and that he would never be interested in her, and when he was, she pushed him aside. Penelope had forgot about him when she found herself 'a life'. Everything was entirely her fault, but she did contribute to the reason why Sam was here and expecting. She didn't give Morgan a lifeboat when he needed one. And it wasn't like Sam appeared, contrary to what she believed. He was single for months, hell, for over a year while she dated Kevin before Sam had came along.

Garcia was on her lunch break when Morgan cornered her.

"Hey Baby girl, can I speak to you for a moment--it's personal." He mentioned as an after thought. Penelope still got emotional when he called her Baby girl because even though he had excluded her from his personal life like she did him, he still used her pet name. Even though he got married and no one was invited, he still held a ceremony and made her his best girl or woman as he said. But, she could no longer call him by his nicknames she had once given him; it hurt too much.

"Yeah, sure, Morgan." She gestured for him to follow her to her office as she sipped her coffee. After she sat down, Garcia swerved her chair to face him and Morgan got a chair to face her as well.

"Well, I know our relationship hasn't really been as tight as it once had been." Morgan started out as he rubbed his hands together nervously. Penelope couldn't help but to think of what he just said was an understatement. "But, taking into consideration our past relationship, how I wish to restore it, and knowing you as a person I would like for you to be my son's godmother. I know you love kids and I trust you to protect my child at all cost. I know you may not know how to fight or have a gun or any kind of weapon, but you always look at for the best interest of others no matter what, and I need someone like that to look at for my child it Sam or myself is ever unable to do it."

He took Penelope's hands in his and squeezed them.

"I trust my mother and my sister and I even trust Sam's family, but you possess this quality and you have this integrity, even though you don't know it, that makes you way more qualified than anyone else in my eyes. And I know you haven't raised a kid before, but it's not about that--it's about you following through when someone needs you. I even talked to Sam and she's cool with it." Morgan gave her a very intense stare. "So, will you do it?"

Penelope was touch and started to tear up a bit as Morgan automatically reached up to wipe her tears with his thumb. "I'm touched, Derek, the idea of it is just so nerve-wrecking, you know?"

"All the extra stuff I just said was just in case something happened to us. I just wanted you to know how much I trust you, but for right now you won't have to do much, especially since DJ isn't born yet. The most you'll do is spend time with him if you want to or maybe occasionally babysit if it's not too much." Morgan was distracting so much it was hard to make a decision; of course she wouldn't tell him no, but here he was caressing her fingers as he held them.

"Yes." She mumbled softly.

'Yes." He repeated her to make sure he heard correctly.

"Yes." She said as she moved her head up and down. The idea seemed insane; becoming godmother to child of the man she was madly in love with, but she was his best friend as well. He trusted her and even put him above his wife's families and his own as guardian if something were to ever happen. He still did care a great deal for her.

Morgan smiled as he got up, and then placed a kiss upon Penelope's forehead."You'll always be my original goddess."

Garcia took the rest of the day off.

A Week Later

Penelope woke up in a strange bed..she didn't, didn't she? Quickly she prayed that she did not have a one night stand with some strange man because things never went right when she met handsome strangers who like her. It was what led to the ruins of a beautiful friendship. The lab tech opened her eyes even wider and realized she was in a hospital bed and not a stranger's bed.

'Whew', she thought to herself as she settled comfortably in the bed. Never would she have a one night stand with strangers, but she hadn't been feeling like herself lately. Penelope found a glass container of water to her right and poured herself a cup of water; she was a bit parched. Before she finished her glass of water, she spotted Morgan out of the sides of her peripherals to her left.

"What's going on with you, Mama?" Morgan asked as he rubbed his face exhaustedly before settling to rested his elbows on his knees.

"Nothing." She lied easily, yet everything was wrong.

"Penelope..."He began. Garcia had to think how many times he had called her by her first name and realized that she couldn't think of any. "The doctor said that you haven't been eating properly, not getting enough sleep, and that your dehydration levels were beyond the average levels for an everyday person. That doesn't seem like nothing to me."

Penelope didn't know what to say.

Morgan began to pace back in forth in front of her bed. "You told me that you would take care of my son if something ever happened, but you aren't taking care of yourself. Even if you didn't agree to that how can you be so careless and not to care of yourself?" He admonished.

"I will take care of your son if something ever happens--it just that...I don't feel like eating, sleeping or doing anything anymore." Penelope said as she tried to straighten out how she felt. "I know I should do these things, but it's hard when you just aren't in the mood, and I force myself to eat, but that gets tiresome when you aren't hungry. And I, and I try to sleep, but myself eyes refuse to stay shut and--and--and--everything has been hectic since I broke up with Kevin, but he isn't the reason I feel this way, I just do."

For the most part, it was the truth, except for why it was happening. She had full knowledge is to why she no longer could do the things she once did.

It was hard for the others to catch on what she was doing to herself. She had fooled them with the bright colors and make-up, so it was hard to catch on that she wasn't taking care of herself.

"Just promise me that you'll take care of yourself, alright, sweetness. I'll check on you frequently to make sure that you are." Penelope shook her head obligingly before Morgan left.

After Garcia's doctor told her explained to her that she had fainted at work from a lack of nourishment and things she had to do to prevent it from happening again, she had asked him to refer her to a therapist. She was tired of keeping all of her emotions bottled up and her friends didn't help much; they were always trying to spare her feelings, which was good, but not helpful.

As Penelope laid back in her hospital bed, tears fell down her face. Although she wanted to run away, she knew that she couldn't because problems were never solved by avoiding them, and as much as she didn't like how her life was now, she refuse to deal with it by 'disappearing', by not facing the consequences of her actions, and by not learning from her mistakes.

So she wouldn't.

TBC...

I guess I am the alert kind of person. I love alerts because that means a person wants to be updated as soon as you post, but I love reviews as well because I love feedback. But for some reason, most of my stories gets nothing, but alerts. This is semi-filler semi-part of the story. I'm kind of writing as I go along, but I do have some parts pre-planned, but that is later on in the story not now.


	3. Love and Truth

2 Months Later

Just as Morgan said, he checked to see his Penelope ate, slept, and drank water regularly. Without avoiding eating meals with his family, he even ate meals with her. They were healthy and proportional, so she was getting the adequate amount of nutrients. Eating wasn't as difficult as it once used to be partly because she didn't think as she ate. Morgan usually engrossed her in interest topics as they ate, so she wasn't paying attention to eating--it had become another motion to her. After a while, she started to actually taste food again after months of everything tasting like cardboard. They even worked out together two or three times a week and for the first time ever, Penelope enjoyed exercise. Although hypothetically, she would expect herself to be upset when exercising included Sam, she wasn't. Sam was actually nice and sorta geeky in her way. In high school, Sam was a big comic book nerd and still continues to be. If you asked her anything concerning comics, she could tell you whatever you wanted to know without hesitation.

When they were watching 'X-Men: Wolverine Origins', Sam pointed out everything that was wrong with the movie and characterization--she had even gotten upset because of what they did, but enjoyed the movie overall if you didn't add the inaccuracies. Or how she was head of an underground comic book strip and went to conventions. Penelope had to admit she had Sam pegged all wrong, which made her feel guilty. Here she was getting upset and angry when people made assumptions about her when she made assumptions about others everyday.

Morgan had left to pick up the pizza they ordered, so they could pull an all-nighter--another thing Sam enjoyed: watching crappy movies.

"Penelope..." Sam began as she rubbed her stomach thoughtfully. "I know this is going to make you uncomfortable, but why did you let Derek go?"

"What?" Penelope asked incredulously. She was not expecting that question. What made Sam think that she and her hunk of burning love ever dated was beyond her? Did she unsuccessfully hide her love for the man who held her heart. "No, me and Derek never dated."

She chuckled nervously as she settled comfortable on the couch opposite of Sam.

"I know that. I mean when Derek told you that he loved you, you brushed him off." She explained as she looked at Penelope. "From what he told me, it seemed as though you felt the same, but you went and found someone else instead."

Penelope was about to answer when Sam stopped her.

"You know what, don't say anything. It was out of place for me to ask. What happened between you two is you all's business," Sam reached over to the bowl of popcorn that Penelope sat down before they started talking.

In a way, Penelope was touched. Morgan had mentioned her and his past feelings for her. She wasn't insignificant to him like she thought she was. He actually mentioned to Sam--Sam of all people--that he was once in love with her. And the way Sam had asked was not as if she was being possessive, but out of insecurity like Penelope was a threat.

"When did he tell you about me?" Penelope asked in a low voice.

Sam thought about her answer for a moment before she responded. "I guess when we first met. You were the name he was trying to get a tattoo of. I just said girlfriend because it sounded better, you know. But, when he told about the woman he loved and how she turned him down and met another man, I just knew he needed some loving and I wanted to give it to him." Sam stopped to smile at the thought of him.

"Did you know who I was when we first met?"

"Yeah, on our first date, it rained hard and we just happened to be by his old place, so we went there." The pregnant woman looked down at her hands as she spoke. "When I looked around his place, I saw two pictures of you: one where you two were together and the other you were alone. Besides his family, you were the only picture he had up. Then me being nosy, I looked in the drawer besides the bed on the side where he slept and there was in there as well. I thought to myself,'This man obviously loves this woman very much, so why couldn't she return his feelings?'"

"Did he ever find out that you saw the picture?"

"Yeah, he did..."

FADE IN

"Why are you looking through my things?" Derek asked as he saw his date looking through his drawers or more specially looking at a picture of Penelope--the one that was hidden.

"I know sorry isn't sufficient, but I had to confirm my suspicions." Sam sat the picture back in the drawers and closed it. "Derek, you really are a great man, and I can see your love for this woman is undeniable--I just wish I can get a man to love me like that...Don't worry, I'm leaving."

Sam walked toward Derek and was about to exit the room when he grabbed her and firmly pushed her against the wall invading her personal space. He breathed heavily against her neck. "What if I don't want you to go?"

He lifted his head to look her in the eyes before leaning his forehead against hers.

"For the first time in a long time, I actually had a good time" He said against her lips."Penelope didn't cross my mind once."

Sam was the first to kiss him as he picked her up and laid her in his bed. They took their time exploring and tasting one another's body's. Even though he saw her for her who she was before the sex, while they had sex she knew it wasn't her he was thinking about.

FADE OUT

"During our first time together, I knew it wasn't me that he was thinking out. He was too passionate--he wouldn't like at me. I'm just glad he didn't call your name as he came. Even though I should had been hurt, I wasn't. I knew what I was dealing with when I asked him out and he was honest about it when I asked him." Sam put another piece of popcorn in her mouth. "It never happened again after that. He said that he wouldn't have sex with me again because he wanted to get you out of his system--that no one should have to go through always being compared to someone else. Or not being loved as they should."

Penelope felt like the wind was knocked out her; she didn't know Morgan cared so much or loved her that deeply.

Sam picked a few tissues to give Penelope to wipe the tears she didn't know was falling. When the computer tech looked up, she could see Sam wiping her own eyes.

"Stupidity was why I let him go." Penelope said suddenly."I doubted myself too much and his ability to love me and not hurting me. I think I worshipped and loved him, but I couldn't see him for the person he was; I was fooled by the play boy persona he put on for everyone that I refuse to acknowledge he was being sincere when he offered his heart."

They discussed Penelope's feelings more in depth before moving to light-hearted conversations. The two women who loved Derek Morgan were exchanging embarrassing stories about him. When Morgan came back home, they were laughing so hard they cried.

"What's so funny?" He asked as he sat the pizza down--he wanted to laugh.

The ladies just looked at him and laughed, and then he knew it was about him and inwardly he should have gotten the pizza delivered after all.

Penelope couldn't hate Sam nor did she want to, the woman took care of Morgan when he needed someone. He was going down a downward spiral himself and she saved him. How could she hate a woman like that? Also, Sam's relationship with Morgan made her acknowledge the lingering feelings she held.

As a matter of fact, she loved this woman for all that she has done.


	4. The Past and The Present

Penelope reached in her purse to get her keys out so she could open her apartment door when she looked up and saw Morgan.

"Hey, Derek, were you coming by to see me?" Penelope asked as she handed Morgan the bags that were in her hands. "Or did you need something?"

Morgan looked in the bags as he spoke. "What is this stuff? And I, umm, wanted to ask you something."

Penelope pushed the door open gently as she showed Morgan where to sit the bags before she went into them herself.

"Baby proof products. I'd rather be safe than sorry, and anything I cannot baby proof is off limits to little Derek Jr." Penelope explained as she opened one of the packages and pull out a plastic item to insert into an electrical socket. Every since DJ was born, Penelope made it priority to educate herself on baby safety. It was true that she hadn't had much experience with kids herself and Derek had trusted her enough to name her godmother of his son--his first one at that.

It was an amazing sight to see the beginning stages of first time parents. The first few days after DJ came home, Derek held the young infant as if he would break. He, himself, was in shock at how he could make such a perfect child. There was no doubt about it, Derek loved everything about his son and was a very hands on parent. The corners of Penelope's hearts was tugged when she came over one day and saw the young infant and Derek asleep on the couch. DJ was lying on his father child; oblivious to the world around him and Morgan looked absolutely at peace. Sam said that Morgan had frequently did this and she would often watch and had taken a couple of pictures because it was too cute not to.

Sam and Derek had taught Penelope the basic necessities of how to care for a child; from feeding, burping, changing, bathing, to other miscellaneous things. In a way, it was nerve-wrecking to think she had such a big responsibility for someone else's child and at the same time a compliment. The Morgan's were very picky people when it came to who held or was by their son, but they trusted her 100 percent.

"See, that is why I trust you, Baby Girl, even though you may be unsure of yourself with little man, you are still looking out for him." Morgan smiled as he fixed himself a cup of coffee.

"Sugar, I would never let you down. You know I will always have your back." Penelope said out of old habit while she finished installing the rest of the child safety products. She didn't realized what she said. For the first time in a long time, she had called him by one of his various nicknames and this piece of information did not go unnoticed by the man in question.

"You called me sugar." Morgan said softly and it finally hit Penelope what she had said. "You haven't called me anything in months."

Penelope stopped what she was doing and looked down at the floor. "I know."

"Why?" Morgan wanted to know; he missed his old pet names very much.

"I don't know; it's all confusing." And it really was. "I guess it just reminds me of how things used to be before Battle--before Kevin...and when you told me that you loved me." She whispered softly.

"I--I didn't know." Morgan scratched the back of his head. "Does it bother you that I still call you by the nicknames I had given you?"

"No." Penelope could see where this conversation was headed. "Look, Derek, I don't want to talk about this--whatever this is. Not now at least, that is."

Morgan had initially suspected Penelope had lingering feelings for him, but he was never 100 percent positive. His deductions had come from the bomb fiasco two years ago and when she was with Kevin. He had never felt that she was with him for the right reasons, but could never call her on it. Even now, it was just a suspicion because she was implying she still had feelings or that she had feelings in general, but she didn't indicated as to how long. Was it always there or did it just suddenly come out of the blue.

"I just have one question: Why did you reject me when I told you that I loved you?" Morgan didn't actually think she was going to answer, he was in fact doing reverse interrogation. He was asking her this particular question to see how she deflected or answered it without answering the direct question.

Penelope stood up and walked over to Morgan. She was on the verge of tears, but refused to cry. "It doesn't even matter anymore."

So, he was right; she loved him from the beginning.

Morgan was halfway out the door when he stopped. As he spoke, he was still looking out the door. "You're wrong; it mattered then and it matters now because if it didn't you wouldn't be upset right now."

After the door softly slammed, Penelope leaned against the wall and slid to the floor before putting her head in her hands and crying heart-wrecking sobs. He still cared and possibly still loved her. After she had gotten all the built up emotion out of her system, the computer tech went to her room and laid on her bed. As she thought about the day's events, she opened the drawer on the right side side of her bed and pulled out his picture. Like him, she had always kept a hidden picture of him in her drawer. She stared at it momentarily before putting it back in her drawer and drifting into sleep.

Even though the two agents didn't talk about the incident that occurred a few days prior, it was not being ignored, just simply not being addressed at the moment. They knew that this situation was prepared to come up one day, so they didn't fool themselves to believe otherwise. It would be idiotic to believe something like that was going to be brushed aside.

Still, they didn't address the issue just yet; they let it simmer, but what they didn't know what that someone was going to turn the heat up. And one degree can make up the difference and turn a simmer into a boil which turns into steam. One degree can add up when someone keeps adding more too it.

It would be just like Penelope's first introduction to Sam--unsuspecting, but there nevertheless.

But, we aren't there yet..we will be there soon enough though.

Penelope was looking up some information Hotch had sent her when someone had knocked on her door.

"Come in." The information she had been given was beginning to be a challenge, but she didn't get to where she was now by giving up. No, not Penelope Garcia. "What can the Goddess of all things computer related do for you today, my good agent?"

"Go out to lunch with me." A familiar voice said upsettingly. Garcia abruptly turned around and saw Kevin standing in her doorway.

TBC...

AN: There was more, but I had to leave you with that.


	5. Compare and Contrast

A/N: I had some glaring mistakes that I had to fix and which was why it was resubmitted.

Penelope and Kevin shared lunch as they talked. It was good to see and speak to him again; he knew how to make her laugh. At first, the exuberant woman was apprehensive about eating with her ex-boyfriend, but she was now glad that she did. He took her mind off of Morgan and their semi-confrontation.

"Pen...what was wrong with me?" Kevin asked suddenly. "I thought I made you happy. I thought everything was going good. You even went as far as sabotaging that job opportunity I had overseas to get me to stay, and then you break up with me months later. What happened between that day and the day we broke up?"

It didn't surprise Penelope that he had asked her about them or what used to be. Actually, she expected it because not only was Kevin predictable, but it was logical as well. They were in a serious relationship which she abruptly ended without explanation. The pair were together for almost two years and were living together before she ended things. At one point in time, they were even discussing moving into a house together and getting married and having kids. How could he not be confused by her not wanting to be with him anymore?

She did want to marry him though, once upon a time. He gave her a sense of security emotionally and she really needed the stability. Her life wasn't exactly hectic, but it wasn't where she wanted it to be at the same time either. Someone once said, 'If you can't be with the one you love, then love the one you with'. And Kevin wasn't hard to love; they had like interest and he loved to please her.

"Nothing." Penelope put her hand on his to indicate not to say anything. "I had come to the understanding that I entered a relationship with you for all the wrong reasons which influenced why I loved you. Don't get me wrong, Kevin, I care for you deeply and love you as well, but I'm not in love with you like I thought I was. It was only a trick of the mind."

"Is it a coincidence you happen to break up with me the same time Agent Morgan got married?" He had it right for the most part, but not all of the way.

"No, and technically, I broke up with you before he got married, so I could finally tell him my true feelings. What I didn't know what that he was going to get married in the spur of the moment." Penelope explained as she felt somewhat embarrassed at her admission.

Kevin ran a hand through his hair before looking at the woman he had planned to spend the rest of his life with. How could she be so gullible?

"So, you are back to where you started: moping over him and lonely?" Kevin pinch the bridge of his nose with his forefinger and thumb. "Damn Pen, I thought you knew better than that--you are too grown to be doing things like this."

Everything stood still for a moment. Penelope had to be sure he just said what she thought he just said. Was he criticizing her? Was he speaking to her as if she was a child, and then coming down on her? Kevin could really be a sweet guy when he wanted to be, but when it came to Derek he was an asshole.

"First of all, being lonely and alone are two different thing, I am just alone, which I prefer to be." As Penelope named reasons why she felt Kevin was wrong, she ticked off her reasons on her fingers. "Secondly, I do know what is best for me and I don't need anyone, especially you telling me what I should know better than to do. Thirdly, how dare you criticize me about not getting over Derek when you have gotten over me and we've been broken up about a year."

Penelope didn't raise her voice as she spoke, there wasn't any reason to. She just let Kevin know that she was in charge of this conversation and there was nothing he could do about it.

"Penelope," Kevin began. "The difference me and you and you and him and that we actually dated, whereas with him you never had a chance; we aren't in the same league as people like him."

'Deep breaths', Penelope thought to herself. 'Do not make a scene--do not make a scene.' But, this was something she couldn't let slide. Penelope settled for throwing her beverage at him instead of slapping her ex.

"Just so you know, I did have a chance with Derek. But, it was thinking like that that ruined my chances. I used to have the mindset that we weren't in the same league and that I wasn't good enough when he accepted me for who I was." Penelope pointed at her chest as she spoke. "He didn't care that I was fat and--and didn't look like some model out of Cosmopolitan or Victoria's Secret and he loved me anyway. And how do I know this because he told me and he told Sam who he later married and she told as well."

Penelope stood and began to walk away when Kevin called out to her.

"I'm sorry, Pen, it's just even when we were together I always had to compete for your attention, and then when I finally had you all to myself, you left." Kevin explained hastily. "How am I supposed to feel?" Tears began to fall down Kevin's face as he harshly rubbed his chin. "Ever since I met you, all I wanted to do was love you."

Penelope didn't know what to do as Kevin stood up and walked over to her. They hugged for a moment before sharing a passionate kiss.

"Kevin..." She started. "I will always love you for loving me, but we cannot be together. And if we are meant to be, then wait for me. It is just I feel that this is what I'm supposed to be doing right now. There is something I am waiting for, but I do know what; I will know when I see it."

They cried in one others arms because it was hard to love someone who you felt didn't love you back, and the love refused to go away. It wouldn't disappear or leave you alone because it didn't know how. All love did was pester you continuously until you gave in, and when you did, it wasn't guaranteed that you got the person you loved. Some times, it was too unbearable to be around, let alone look at Derek, but her love was so strong and unrelenting. She could most definitely relate to how Kevin was feeling. Also, just like her, Kevin worshipped his object of affection. In order to be in a relationship, the two people involved in it must be equals not one with more or less say than the other. That is not a relationship, but dictatorship, and the real reason Penelope wanted to be alone was not entirely because of her feelings for Derek, rather than, the need to grow as an individual and improve her self-image. Penelope Garcia is very confident when it comes to her computer hacking skills, but not so much herself without them.

Honestly, Penelope didn't know what she wanted at this point. She did love Derek with all her heart and wanted to be with him, but he was married now. He had a wife and a kid and he was happy. Even if he still loved her, he wouldn't leave his wife. It wasn't the Derek Morgan thing to do and never would she let him to do that.

Penelope called might have not been letting Kevin back into her life again romantically, but she didn't mind inviting him back into her life sexually.

Who could blame a woman for wanting to be held?


	6. If Only I Had Known

Sometimes Penelope couldn't look herself in the mirror because of how disgusted--no, that's too strong of a word, but more like disappointed--she was in herself for using Kevin the way she was. He really was a great guy in his own way, but no one could compare to Derek. At her lowest points, she would reconsider giving another go at it with Kevin. What point was there holding onto a guy that was taken--married? Penelope didn't know how to quit him, try as she may, and hearing that her feeling were very much requited, made her hold on even more. The problem became so strong at times that she became restless at night. Every time Penelope thought she has had enough of wanting him, loving him, she always comes back or stays around for that matter.

Those were her current thoughts as she washed DJ. Derek's mini-me was undeniably a happy child; all you heard from the infant was excited squeals and a smile was ever-present on his face. It was never a dull moment when dealing with the five-month old because he never ceased to amuse. Kevin hinted that he wanted to start having kids, and Penelope told him he could always adopt. She knew it was rude, but in her defense, she laid down the ground rules for their new relationship and now he was trying to change things. He didn't think she was catching onto to him trying to woo her back into a real--not purely sexual--relationship. It was her fault partly, Penelope never told Kevin he was a horrible liar and secret keeper.

DJ was immensely amused by the sounds Penelope made as she dried him off, when someone knocked at the door. It was most likely the offspring's father coming to pick him up. Sam hasn't been feeling well for a couple of weeks and, initially, they had figured she had the flu, but it didn't go away, so Derek took her to the hospital.

Penelope hastily wrapped the infant in a dry off towel, and then went to open the door after she checked the peephole. It was Morgan just as she had suspected.

"Here's papa, DJ, you're daddy's coming to take you home, little one." Penelope cooed as she handed him to his father."So, what did the doctor say?"

The profiler lifted his son above his head playfully as he walked to the couch and sat down before speaking. "Nothing, really. The doctor suggested that Sam maintain a healthy diet, regularly exercise, and drink plenty of fluids. She said to make sure something was in Sam's stomach at all times because of morning sickness."

"Morning sickness?" Penelope asked questioningly before it dawned on her. "Sam's pregnant again?"

For the first time since Derek entered her apartment, he smiled.

"Yeah, two months along." Derek Sr. sported a proud father grin before looking at his son."DJ's going to be an older brother."

"Congrats, Stud Muffin." Penelope said as she walked over to her co-worker and engulfed him and his jr. in a hug. She had finally learn to manage her emotions better, therefore making her able to say her pet names for him without becoming emotional. "Finally, I'm the first to know something." The blond-haired woman said off-handedly.

Morgan stopped playing with his son momentarily and looked at her. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing; it is just I've been finding out information through other people." Penelope said as she picked out a PJ's for DJ to wear.

"Like what?"

"Like your marriage, Sam's first pregnancy--Hotch announced it to us just like the wedding, and the anniversary party." The computer tech shrugged as she handed Morgan the clothes to put on his son.

"Marriage is between the two people who are going to wed--not the guest. The day I realized Sam was the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with--nothing else mattered at the moment. Our family wasn't even at the wedding; we just picked to strangers on the street to be our witnesses." Morgan explained. "But, let's not get started on people not telling friends things first because, if I can recall correctly, you never told me about Kevin. How did I find out about him, baby girl?

Penelope was stumped. How did Morgan find out about her and Kevin? She knew he knew, but not when. Well, he knew about her previous relationship with Kevin not her present.

"You don't know? Oh wait, I remember. It was the day he asked permission to date you and I was just a tad bit--naw, fuck that, I was entirely confused because you never told me you were seeing anyone. And I was this close to asking you about it, but I waited for you to tell me and you never did." Morgan finished putting his sons PJ's on before laying the sleepy child on his shoulder.

"That's because you were acting like a total jerk when I told about a guy I met." Penelope remembered clearly.

"Well, why do you think that is?" Morgan said sarcastically. "And then, you virtually stopped talking to after you hooked up with Kevin. You pushed me away, and then get mad when I respond in kind."

Penelope thought for a minute: what Derek said was true. As much as she didn't want to do this, they needed to have an overdue talk. "You asked me why I rejected you when you told me you loved me...Derek, what was I supposed to think? Did I really mean as much to you as you claimed or was I just a friend that you playfully flirted with? I knew deep down in my heart that you loved me--that you were in love with me, but I felt the need to always compare myself to those women you slept with. And I always thought that I was never good enough because I didn't look or act like them. I thought that eventually you would find someone better than me and you did."

"So, you think you mean nothing to me because that is how I felt for the women I slept with? You think men are interested in women who give it up so easily? No, they want someone they have to work for, someone who makes the thrill of the chase worth it. Basically, you are saying you do not like yourself, and if you do not like yourself, change whatever it is that you dislike, instead of feeling you aren't good enough because I never told you that. You always told yourself those things and put me on some fucking pedestal--not me." Morgan said angrily because he was offended that Penelope would think such things.

"I know that now, but you do not know what it feels like to be ridiculed because of your weight or--or because you don't like the same things as others." Penelope defended herself.

"Baby girl," Derek laid his now sleeping son on the couch. "Before I started looking like your stud muffin, I was overweight, so I do know what it feels like to be ridiculed. But, I started running everyday and lifting weights and eventually I lost the weight." Morgan stood in front of Garcia before speaking softly. "Do you really think so little of me?"

"I just thought you never noticed me because good-loking men never did, but I was wrong for putting them in the same category as you--I know that now. And I'm sorry for shoving you out of my life, but it was the only way I could stop focusing all of my attention on you. It wasn't that I didn't understand--I didn't want to because I was afraid of what could be if I opened myself up to it." Penelope ran a hand through her hair as she tears down her face and she sniffed softly. "And it took Sam for me to realized that I wanted to take that chance to tell you that I was in love with you too and wanted to be with you as well."

The room was silent and Morgan swallowed audibly as she bit his lip and bunched his hands into fists.

"Baby girl..." He started, but couldn't finish the rest. Morgan sat on the arm of Penelope's couch before roughly rubbing his head with his hands.

"It's hard being in love with someone who used--" Morgan cut her off.

"I don't used to anything, I still am." Morgan admitted quietly. "My problem has always been that I could never stop loving you, but then again , I've never tried. I'm not strong enough."

Silence blanketed the room again as an infant quietly snored and two adults audibly cried; both trying to desperately muffle their tears.

Penelope went over to hug Derek and they continued to cry, but this time in each other arms.

"I've always loved you." Morgan whispered in her ear. "I just waited so long because I was getting myself together to be a better man for you, and then you got shot and i knew I couldn't wait any longer."

Penelope cried harder.

"And I know you got upset about me calling Sam TT, but you are a goddess, mama, you're just too perfect to give a name to. Any name I could give you would only understate how great and beautiful you are."

"Derek...stop, please." It all sounded beyond great to Penelope, but God, he was really making her emotional. "I didn't know you cared so much."

It was too late for Morgan to leave or they just said that because Morgan didn't want to leave. He went to sleep on the couch with his son as she slept in her bed.

The next morning they silently ate breakfast across from one another.

What were they going to do?

TBC...

A/N: They aren't going to have an affair...this chapter seems off.


	7. Seeing With Their Eyes Closed

Sam swept the floors, wiped the counters, washed the dishes, vacuumed the carpets, cleaned the glass windows, and dusted the fine China. She cleaned whatever needed to be cleaned while she waited for her husband to come home. Not that these things really needed to be cleaned because Sam had already cleaned earlier that day, but she needed to do something. Sam needed to keep her mind occupied so she wouldn't think the worst, she couldn't nor would she.

It was just that Derek never used to come home late--never, until the time they found out she was expecting again. Derek was excited about another child and was already thinking of names and father and child bonding outings. Sam knew that his late arrivals home had nothing to do with her being pregnant again, but more like what happened after that. She didn't know what happened, but she knew something happened and her husband was hiding it form her. This scared her because Derek never hid anything from her--never, until that day. In essence, he was still the same person, but he had this air about him which said he was troubled. By what? She would like to know, although, it didn't take a rocket scientist to see it had to do with Penelope. Just what was it? What could possibly have her husband acting the way he was?

Sam knew.

As a child, watching your father come home late and offering some lame-assed excuse for his tardiness, you never forgot what cheating consisted of. It stuck with you because your idea of a perfect family was now tarnish by harsh reality--not everyone got the American dream, and even if they did, it eventually became a nightmare for some. This truth changed your outlook on life because you know form firsthand how life can really be. You saw your mother just let your father cheat on her, leave her, and then come back, and she let him because he was all she knew. She had loved him too much to let some other woman keep him. Your mother had invested too many years in the marriage and her husband to let it all go because of infidelity, and even though she's been told infidelity isn't a small thing, she ignores you. She has the perfect life, you just can't see it because of your closed-mindedness. Of course, Sam was talking about herself now, but you've got the picture.

Physically, he wasn't unfaithful to her, she knows this, but mentally...he was in love with another woman (But, Sam suspects he never stopped loving Penelope it was just hidden momentarily). Her husband was directing his affections to another woman who was not his wife--who wasn't her, and he has been for four months. Sam doesn't know what to do because he isn't doing anything. He isn't fucking or touching Penelope like her father did with the women he cheated with. He isn't lying about his whereabouts and who he is with and when he is with them. How do you tell your husband you know what he is doing even though he isn't doing anything, but in a way he is?

.....................

Morgan had taken his favorite--no, second, second--his second favorite girl to the movies. They had no idea that it was going to run so long, but he was secretly glad it did. He knew better than to admit to this out loud because even though their feelings for one another was in fact reciprocated neither one of them could ignore the elephant in the room. Sometimes though, just sometimes they liked to close their eyes so they couldn't see.

The incident in the theater would never be mentioned along with the other incident that were forgotten about, but not really just not vocalized.

They both remembered it clearly, how could they not? Derek was intently staring at the screen as well as Penelope both engrossed in the movie or at least pretending to be. They've already seen this movie before--three separate times along with other movies, but it gives them an excuse...a reason to be close. Their hands gravitate towards one another, hesitantly asking permission for their fingers to be intertwined, so they can touch. The agents never acknowledge that they are holding hands--they never look when it happens. They never have to look because every time it happens, they can feel it. A weird sensation develops in their chests as they watch the movies they aren't really paying attention to. The sensation says this is wrong to do this, yet they need something--anything, and if this was it, then so be it. Each time they touch, they relax physically, but tense up mentally.

Every time they do this, it hurts them both and everyone else.

Derek and Penelope refuse to confront the elephant face to face; they may not deny its existence, but it doesn't mean they have to talk to it.

.......................

Unbeknownst to the team, they've all talked to the agents in question separately.

JJ said to Morgan, "As a wife, one of the most terrible things to think about is your husband cheating on always thinking about being the best wife and never screwing up because there is always another woman willing to take your place."

JJ to Penelope, "It's hard loving an unattainable man, especially when he returns your feelings, but you fight the urges because you cheapen yourself by hiding in the shadows. One night may be all you need, but one night could ruin everything." (Penelope noted that it was best if she kept her observations to herself about JJ because she sounded vaguely emotional and her eyes got a bit teary)

Hotch to Morgan, "Being the wife of a profiler is difficult and stressful. All the hours a profiler spends at work and hopping on planes at a moments notice--ruining already set plans, so you really can't set anything in stone. They wonder how long they can stand this--your hectic hours. When you first told them about your job, they didn't know it was a job tolerating your job and how you revolve around it--because being a profiler means being the job. Then they wonder if another woman is comforting you when they aren't around--when they can't be and sometimes there is..."

Hotch to Penelope, "Life never turns out the way you suspected no matter how much you plan in advance. And even when you try to play the cards you were dealt, it still doesn't become any easier and it won't, but never succumb to pressure just to make life easier."

Prentiss to Penelope, "I never had a father growing up--I've always wanted one though. I've always wondered what mine was like. When I was young my mother kicked my father out the house and divorced him once she found out he was keeping another woman's bed warm. She told him not to come back around even to see me. He killed himself a few years later...we don't talk about him. I hated him for a while, until I found out his unfaithfulness wasn't entirely his fault. My mother was always cold with him and saying 'if you want to have sex so bad, go find someone who isn't busy'. She wasn't serious and he knew it, but he was tired of being ignored and her career being put first. I'm not saying his actions are justifiable just that there are reasons not always entirely bad, but it still hurts people in the end." (This one reeked of experience as well)

Prentiss to Morgan, "My mother introduced me to a co-worker of hers as usual, but this one was different: he was cute and interesting. I don't know exactly what I was thinking, but I let him persuade me that what we were doing wasn't wrong--that his wife was over-bearing and he was stressed out and I took him away from everything. Of course it was a lie, but I didn't know at the time. I didn't end things, until I found out I knew his daughter who was distraught over the affair and hurt herself. He made me feel so good about myself and at a young age I understood the saying 'how could something so wrong feel so good'. I wish I would have thought first."

Reid to Penelope, "Relationships aren't really my thing, but there is one thing I know: You and Morgan care for each other deeply. But, as much as you two care for one another are you willing to hurt other people because the feeling has become too strong? You both have obligations now that extend way beyond what you feel--it isn't just the two of you anymore."

Reid to Morgan, "I've always admired your skills when it comes to women, but I don't admire adulterers. " Reid said pointedly. "Adulterers are usually cowards and can't cope with real life, from what I know of you, Morgan, you are far from a coward."

Rossi to Morgan, "Some people go throughout their life never being abled to get married, others get married multiple times, then there are those who get married once and stay married--I envy them. They know how to make it work and when to avoid something they shouldn't be involved in."

Rossi to Penelope, "Loving someone means letting to them go even if you aren't strong enough, but truth is, you are strong it's just hard to let go of someone you care. Sometimes the right decision, is the most difficult decision; you just have to know when to let go."

.....................

Sam sat balled up in the corner of her bathroom and cried loudly. Hopefully, the bathroom will muffle her cries because she could not do it herself. She loved Derek with her whole being; why couldn't he see that? Why couldn't that be enough? She loved him and would always. Yes, he loved her, but not the same way. it wasn't like he used to love her and look at her and adored her. Nothing was the same between the anymore and she could no longer deny it.

After the tears had subsided, Sam tenderly rubbed her stomach as she contemplated her marriage.

She should had seen this coming, and she did, but she wanted to be optimistic. Sam didn't want to be the bitch who always had to put her foot down and warn Penelope to watch her step. Maybe she should have told her husband that, then they wouldn't be where they are now or so she likes to believe. Something is to be said about a man who is very open about certain things.

What was she going to do?

It was 11:21 p.m. when Derek walked in. Sam didn't say anything, but gave her husband a kiss before going into the kitchen and warming up his dinner, which was cold, by the way--extremely. Derek sat down and told her about his day, but there was guilt tugging at his heart because although he isn't lying, he isn't be completely forthcoming as well. He may have not been cheating, but it was something close that vaguely resembled it...maybe his heart was cheating. He wasn't sure, but what he was sure of what that he felt dirty when he came home. And he washed himself obsessively because of it, but the residue refused to leave.

As he was eating, Sam observed him. She got up and grabbed to wine glasses, and then poured her favorite wine in them. Then she walked over to Derek and handed one to him before sitting down herself. Sam thoughtfully stared at her husband as she sipped her wine, she came to the conclusion that this decision she had come to was right and best for her marriage and her family.

"Derek," She began slowly and he looked up at her. "We need to talk."

TBC...

AN: I know the format is kind of different, but I wanted to try it out and I'm referring to the teams response to Derek and Penelope. I know I haven't written anything in a week and that was on purpose. I wanted to get a rest and let the juices flow, which I am glad I did. I know how the story is ending, but I still have to figure out how to get there. But, don't fret; I've been writing as I went along this whole time and there hasn't been any complaints or not much. Oh, and some pregnant women drink wine to put their unborn child to sleep when they become too active.

Reviews welcomed and desired!!!


	8. A Clear Understanding

They all wondered what really happened.

Morgan had came into work one day as a changed man. The team had concluded it had nothing to do with Garcia because she was just as puzzled as everyone else, but nevertheless, they were still worried. Hotch knew to an extent what was going on, but couldn't tell anyone else and wouldn't unless it served some kind of relevance. He didn't seem too worried, but curious more than anything. This fact piqued the interest of his co-workers. Their boss usually radiated indifference, but now you could see he wanted to profile Morgan and get inside his head.

"Garcia, what's up with Morgan?" Prentiss asked while they ate their microwavable lunches.

"I don't know. Derek, seems the same, but there is something he's hiding and won't tell anyone." She admitted as she stopped eating. It really bothered Penelope that a problem was troubling her sweetie pie and she had a strong foreboding feeling whenever he was mentioned. Some part of her could sense the shit storm of all time was approaching.

...............

Penelope would kill him if she knew.

He thought he could win his ex-girlfriend back if he stayed around. He thought if he subtly dropped hints about the good times and how he could treat and love her better, she would see the error of her ways. Of course, this didn't happen. The more he tried, the less results he got, and then a few months ago, she started to pull away. It was Morgan as usual. Everything that happened between them was always because of him: the reason they got together, the reason she thought she loved him, the reason the broke up, and the reason the were fucking. Oh, there was more shit, but those few things topped the list.

As dirty as it sounded, he tried to get her pregnant as his last resort. Kevin pierced every condom at the tip he wore during sex with Penelope and none of them worked; since then he has stopped trying, but he was still hoping. He needed a reason--any reason- as to why he should stayed as desperate as that sounded. So far, Penelope has been in her own world and he was just used for sex and nothing more.

Try as he might, he couldn't stay away. Penelope Garcia was an addiction for him and he would not try to resist her.

Kevin didn't want to admit that she was telling the truth about her feelings towards him. When they have sex, Penelope wears the face she used to wear while they were dating. The one he had thought was one of love was actually one of intense arousal. She never did love him; it was all about the attention she was getting from him which kept her coming back. Just a few minutes ago, she wore that same face and it broke his heart because nothing had changed between them except the status of the relationship. He poured his love out to her and she unknowingly, now knowingly, rejected it. She could never love him they way he loved her nor would she. Kevin tried to make his last night with her his best night, but he came up short and not because she wasn't satisfied, instead he wasn't. It was hard to be fulfilled by the emptiness he felt when he was with her, and even though he still loved and wanted to be with her, it physically affected him that she didn't feel the same and wouldn't try to. She would only love him as a friend and someone who cared for him deeply--nothing more.

The male computer tech sat on the edge of the bed wearing just his boxers facing away from his soon to be former lover.

"Pen, I've gotten a job offer." Kevin said softly as ran a hand through his hair.

"Oh really, where?" Penelope asked as she pulled her covers up more out of habit than anything else.

"It doesn't matter where. All that matters is that there isn't reason for me to stay..." He looked at her as if to ask 'should I'?

Penelope turned away in response to his non-verbal question and Kevin put his head down.

"I guess that means good luck." Kevin got up and went to find his clothes.

"Kevin, I don't know what you want and even if I did it doesn't change anything." Penelope explained defensively. Kevin abruptly turned towards his female companion before throwing his clothes back down. He wanted to find a way to make her understand how he felt, but there were never enough words or even the right ones for that matter. Everything always got screwed up and he was baffled as to what to say.

"How can I love you not change anything? Most people spend their lives trying to find someone to love and you have someone right in front of you--literally--and you are rejecting them." He exclaimed.

"Exactly! They are looking for someone to love or to be in love with and I am not in love with you, Kevin, why can't you understand that!" Penelope sat up in her bed as she softly hit the bed. "You're always talking about how you can love me more or better than Morgan, but you don't try to comprehend the fact that he actually returns my feelings or that I can't reciprocate yours."

"You can and he's married!" Kevin shouted before sitting down beside Penelope and speaking softly. "If that doesn't say off limits than I don't know what does."

He leaned din to kiss her and she let him. Neither one of them broke up the kiss because it felt so good. Even though Penelope didn't share his feelings, she was still losing someone dear and Kevin wasn't good at letting her go.

.................

Derek softly cried against the door. 'Why did it have to end this way', he asked himself silently.

Silently he banged his head against the door, so he wouldn't wake anyone. Why was he here? He made his decision already and now it was time to face the future...but, he was looking for a loophole. A discrepancy or a reason not to do what was expected--any reason. And he knew he would get one if he asked. All he had to do was ask. As wrong as it may be, he felt like he would slowly die if he didn't.

This was wrong on so many levels and he knew he was a better man than now, he just didn't feel like being him at the moment. All he has ever done since he has gotten married was make the right choices. Yes, that is obviously expected when it comes to faithfulness, but...

Fuck but!

Derek entered Penelope's apartment went straight toward her room. All he needed for an answer: Yes or no. She could make or break him.

He slowly opened her door to watch with shock and disgust as his heart suddenly stopped. Penelope was kissing--kissing...Kevin. They were...naked. NAKED!

It was hard to swallow the lump in his throat, but he managed. "I--I--I thought you two were through?"

Quickly, the two broke apart like children in trouble.

Penelope jumped up. "Derek--"

Derek put his hand up abruptly to signal not to say anymore. "Derek what!" He said firmly. "Derek nothing. I was stupid to come over here and--and think that there could be something between us."

"What?" Penelope didn't understand and Derek could see that.

"I was going to leave Sam for you, but from the looks of it, you've hooked back up with Kevin." The profiler explained as he harshly rubbed his face.

"Hold on." Kevin said after he put his shirt on. "You have no reason to be mad at Pen for anything; you are married and she is single. Did you expect her to wait around for you forever? She has needs to have companionship as well if not more."

Both Derek and Penelope knew that Derek's rage had nothing to do with her having someone per se, but the fact that it was Kevin of all people and how their relationship has changed drastically since she left him...since they've gotten closer and admitted their feelings. Even all of the time they've spent with one another and she made him think she was interested in no other man. It was alright if she was because of the circumstances, but she had been misleading by not being forthcoming.

"You know what," Derek smirked indifferently as he rubbed his chin and looked at Penelope before pointing between them, and then back at her. "I'm through with this shit and I'm through with you."

"Derek--" Penelope shouted and was cut off again by him.

"Save it!" He shouted back. "Don't expect to see me on Monday; the job offer in New York has re-opened and I've taken the job. Have a nice life you two."

He walked away and didn't look back.

................

There were other more qualified people for the job than Hotch in terms of familiarity, but as far as experience goes, the lead profiler was the man for the job. Many people viewed his professionalistic detachment as who he was. They didn't view his detachment as a means of survival like he did. So more times than not, they were confused when he wasn't the same person outside of a professional setting. What they failed to understand that, even though you appeared to be digesting all of the inconceivable crimes that you work on, you actually aren't. You don't register human emotions until you are no longer working. You can't get too involved because it affects your decisions and you put not only yourself at danger, but others as well. They didn't understand, but he wouldn't waste time explaining.

Penelope has been "sick" for the last three days and everyone knew it had everything to do with Derek. It was obvious that she took his marriage and family life hard, but him abandoning her although was a different story. Hotch knew Penelope would come back to work, but when? Criminals didn't take a break, and even though he felt her pain, he wouldn't allow her to take one too long. They needed her expertise and she was the best of the best. It may have seemed selfish on his part, but to understand was to see the bigger picture. He gave her three days, and he'll give her the rest of the week, but nothing more.

Hotch inserted the key in the door that JJ had given him. Without a doubt, he knew the computer tech was not going to acknowledge his presence, let alone answer the door. There was a quick survey of her apartment to make sure everything was in place, which it seemed to be for the most part, before he navigated to her bedroom.

Oddly, she wasn't in her bed as he suspected, so he continued his search of the emotionally lost woman. Hotch was almost dumbfounded as to where to look when he caught a glimpse of her in the bathroom. Quickly, he though of what he might say to her before he entered. Were there right words for this situation? Of course, he just may not know them and he would have to improvise.

As a profiler, out of habit, you analyze how to approach every situation you encounter if you have time to think, that is. Hotch took his suit jacket off and rolled up his sleeves mid-forearm, loosened his tie, and stuffed his hands in his pocket before entering the bathroom. The male agent leaned on the doorframe briefly and thoughtfully stared at Garcia. She didn't have any make-up and looked distraught. Tears stained her cheeks and worry filed her eyes.

She spoke before he could say anything, "Can you tell me what this says?"

Penelope handed him a pregnancy test and Hotch carefully took it from her. Hotch wave of melancholy engulfed him as he stared at the test. This was the same brand Haley used when she found out she was pregnant with Jack--it was the same one she used she found out she was pregnant again by an ex-classmate of his from law school. Haley and her new boyfriend had kept in touch over the years, and he just happened to pick up the pieces when their marriage fell apart. Aaron came across the pregnancy test by accident when he used her bathroom, and then asked her about it.

"Why did you go through my things, Aaron!" Haley yelled as she snatched the test from him and look at it again to see if it was true: another child.

"I didn't. You said I could use your bathroom and it was sitting there right on the counter." He defended and it was true. Aaron hadn't gone looking for pregnancy test or anything of that nature.

Haley didn't know what to say and neither did Hotch for that matter, so they didn't say anything.

And now, this was the same test Penelope was going to find out she was pregnant--it was a really accurate test. It hasn't been proven wrong so far, and he knew it wouldn't be because of the other discarded pregnancy tests and various brands that all most likely read positive.

"I think we both knows what this says, so tell me what this is about." He sat the test on the counter before sitting on the bathtub across from Penelope as she ran a hand through her hair quickly.

"Growing up, all I had ever wanted was acceptance." Penelope said as she looked at the test. "I didn't fit in with anyone and felt so isolated and lonely..." The computer tech began as she explained why she felt conflicted.

AN: I was trying to crank out more reviews so this was why the story was delayed as long as it was, but that didn't work. Also, professionalistic is not a word, I know, but it sounds as if it is and I loved it so much that I could part.


	9. Once Again

AN: Ashley Scott is who Sam looks like back from her 'Birds of Prey' days. And Shemar Moore actually acted in this show before it was cancelled and played her love interest, so it was kinda based on that.

Derek woke up to find himself alone in the bed and turned to look at the clock; it read 5:42 A.M. As much as he wanted to sleep in, he knew it was the last thing he could do. Not only did have have to drop Sam, DJ, and Pierre at his mother's house so Sam could catch the train to Daycare and then work, but he also had work and an active case at that. Groggily, Derek got out of bed and made his way to the shower.

The hot water only partially woke him up as he quickly, yet thoroughly, washed himself. Sam entered into the shower and wrapped her arms around her husband's body and Derek placed his hands on hers. She kissed his back and left a trail of lingering kisses on his skin. The federal agent turned around slowly in his wife's arms and kissed her passionately.

Hungrily, she returned the favor.

"Why weren't you in bed when I woke up?" Derek asked before moaning as Sam sucked on the nape of his neck.

"Packing the kids a week worth of clothes." Sam said began returning to sucking on the nape of his neck while she rubbed his biceps.

"Why?" Derek gulped slowly trying to compose himself and control his arousal and Sam could see this, but she didn't care. She began to sexualize every touch even more to heighten his desire.

"To stay with your mother, just for the week until I get my car fixed." Derek's mother had moved to New York to be closer to her grandkids since she has been wanting them since her son established himself as a capable adult. Also, she has been a very active grandparent, especially more so since moving to the Big Apple. "It saves money and gas. This way you can get more sleep, especially considering this is the biggest case you've ever worked, instead of waking up early ever morning to drop us off. Besides, the kids get fussy like their daddy when they wake up earlier than necessary."

Derek tenderly kissed Sam. "I love you, Mrs. Morgan."

"I love you too, ." Sam grinned while she kissed Derek back as he hoisted her onto his hips, and then settled comfortably into her.

.....

As a rule of thumb, everyone knows morning sex puts anyone in a good mood, and the Morgan's weren't an exception. Both of them added a little of pep in each one of their steps and was incredibly chipper, or more so than usual in Sam's case. While cooking breakfast, the two were more playful; stealing bits and pieces of food and purposely getting caught for the "punishment", physically "instructing" one another how to make simple breakfast foods, and any other activity they could make flirtatious.

For some, the good mood ends soon after it begins and, unfortunately, the Morgan's weren't exempt from this either.

"Are you excited that you'll be seeing you old team again?" Sam asked. Although she didn't know them that well, she was ecstatic for Derek to see if ex co-workers, even if it wasn't under the ideal circumstance. Her smile was broad as she spoke of them while she tore off a piece of her bacon to eat.

"Yeah, it'll be nice to see all of them again." Derek said wistfully as he thought of what they could be up to now.

Sam's smile faltered.

Without her saying a word, Derek knew what his wife was thinking. "TT, the likelihood of Penelope being there is very small. As a matter of fact, there isn't any reason she should be here because she can do her job from her office in D.C."

"Quite Frankly, Derek, I don't want to talk about it." To prove her point, Sam ate on the island in the kitchen.

Derek decided to hold small talk with his son while he watched the younger of the two boys feed himself. An occasional glance or two was thrown Sam's way who was too much lost in her own world to notice. It confused him to what his wife was upset about. Yes, Penelope was a sensitive subject, but they did talk about it and she usually wasn't so closed about. This may be contributed to the fact that Penelope was hundreds of miles of way, but instead she could be closer than she would like to think of. It wasn't that Sam didn't trust her husband alone with Penelope or was it? She was unsure, and whenever Sam was unsure about anything, it unsettled her because this meant the unexpected could happen. Sam was the kind of person who liked to see it coming whether it be good or bad, especially the bad, and she definitely didn't want Penelope there and hoped that she wasn't. But, how would she handle it if she was?

The ride to Derek's mother's place wasn't any better. To say he was being given the cold shoulder was putting it gently. When Derek's mother took the kids out of the car, Derek carefully placed a hand on Sam's arm.

"This is crazy, Sam, and you know." Derek said quietly as he sincerely looked into her eyes.

"I told you, I don't want to talk about it." She reinstated to remind him to drop the matter.

"You know you are acting very immature, right?" Derek said as he pulled away from her. He didn't even wait for the 'What is that supposed to mean' remark before continuing, "And yes, that came out exactly how you heard it. Adults talk things out, which is the last things you are doing. We are husband and wife and if one of us has a problem, we both have a problem. That I shit that you are doing now, you were supposed to throw away when we got married--it is we now."

"And you were supposed to give up courting multiple women, but you didn't." Sam shot at Derek.

"What the fuck...courting. Who the hell says that anymore?" Derek looked at Sam incredulously.

"You know what I mean." Sam crossed her arms and sat back in her seat. "Also, I couldn't think of a better."

"I know there are better words other than courting." Derek sighed. "Besides, I wasn't "courting" other women nor was I cheating, but I do admit another woman held my interest, which I am not proud to say."

Sam rested her hands in her lap as she sat back and processed what she just heard.

"Also, like I said, when you have a problem, I have one as well, which was why we moved." In a way, it was the truth; Derek had decided to move before the incident, but he decision was set in stone when he found out about Penelope's indiscretions.

The two talked a little while longer before deciding it was definitely time for him to leave. Derek Morgan may have had a serial killer to catch, but at the same time he had to take care of home. He's learned form second-hand experience to never neglect your problem it home because you may regret it later. It could be your emotion affect your professional decision, family getting caught up in the case (by the killer including them), or separation from your spouse and kids. All three of the were equally worse in some to degree and in the other, some were far greater than one could imagine.

Derek's transition to New York wasn't as smooth as he would have liked or even close to it. Personally, home life was hell; he was still angry and heart-broken by Penelope (although, he concluded it was mostly irrational considering his marital status), Sam was only talk to him out of necessity, which was infrequent as possible, and his new subordinates made it hard for him to do his job. But, he wasn't going to let them intimidate him and he definitely wasn't going to suck up on him. In no time, he showed them who was boss and, as a profiler who trained and worked for the best, he knew how to get their attention quickly; find the ring leader and get him or her to persuade the rest to follow his command or be forced to comply without one. He had to fire the woman and, as he predicted, there wasn't a problem anymore, at least at work that is.

......

Penelope was afraid of the moment she would first see Morgan again? What would he look like? What would he say or do? Would he be happy to see her, if so, what then? If not, what then as well? Could they ever be friends again? A thousand questions ran through her mind all at once and it was hard to process that information, let alone, any other. Derek Morgan had her on the edge of their seat without even trying, and it wasn't because of her past feelings, but because of their past friendship and how she missed it. If only they could re-ignite that fire and become as close as they once were.

She no longer cared to be with Morgan romantically. It was obvious that ship had sailed long before they realized it and they were continuously trying to get aboard a ghost ship. She was happy in a deeply committed relationship, which she has never truly experienced before and, inevitably, she learned that some things just weren't meant to be.

At first, when Kevin let it slip that he purposely tried to impregnate her, she beyond angry and appalled. There really wasn't words to describe how she felt and there still aren't, but she eventually forgave him. If she was going to raise a child ad live a happy life, she could hold onto the past, so she didn't. It took him longer to earn her trust back, which he fully hasn't despite all that he has done since then. It was even harder to entertain the idea of entering a relationship with him again, and then actually doing it. But in the end, underneath it all, Kevin was a good man who could have faulty logic at times and his impregnation of her was beyond error of logic, but she couldn't help but love him despite herself. And this time, she was truly in love with him, although; marriage seemed to not be in their future any time soon. In her mind, marriage wasn't all that important if you were with the person you loved most, but she promised him she would say yes if she ever changed her mind.

The computer tech went to refill her empty cup with coffee when she bumped into a familiar face.

The silence between the two was beyond deafening and awkward.

"Hey, Penelope." Derek said softly as he stared at the transformed woman in front of him; she looked different and had a glow about her. It was one he couldn't put a finger to. She appeared to be happy, as well, without physically showing it.

"Hey, Derek." She involuntarily smiled at the old face who didn't look old at all.

"I wasn't expecting to see--I mean, I didn't know you were coming." Derek clarified.

"Neither did I; Hotch said he wanted me to be here. Something about 'we can't underestimate the unsub's intelligence'" Penelope shook her head as to say she had no idea what he was talking about.

"Well--" Morgan was abruptly cut off by one of his agents.

"Sorry to interrupt, but Agent Morgan, Agent Hotchner said he needed to discussed a matter with you urgently." Agent Hill said as she approached her superior.

Morgan was on his way out when he was blocked by another one his agents.

"Here he is, Mrs. Morgan." Agent Lane said with a triumph filled voice for finding her boss for his wife. The triumph was short lived when she saw anger in Mrs. Morgan's eyes as well in her boss' with a hint of fear.

Everyone in the room could feel instant tension and no one would speak, especially the parties involved in whatever reason the tension was caused.

Sam immediately decided that she wouldn't make a scene. Whatever problems she and Penelope had, were between them and only them.

"Hey, Penelope." She said with a straight face without conveying any emotion.

Hey, Sam." Penelope replied as Sam gave her an intense stare.

The three of the stared at one another as if they weren't two other people in the room because, in their mind, there wasn't. Even though things weren't what it seemed and all parties involved knew that, there was still guilt and fear and hurt cascading in their hearts. What would happen? What would this person do next? How will I defend myself?

Truth be told, there was only one person two of them had to answer to and neither one of them one own up to it anytime soon. Because even though they have moved on with their lives, it was still something to hold onto to. It wasn't necessarily that they wanted to get back with one another or even at all, but a memory; a remembrance of a past so strong and cherish able.

There would always be an ever-present connection between them whether or not Sam was around.

And she knew this.


End file.
